Friday, July 13, 2018

Stay in Touch Without Social Media

How to Connect Without a Screen in Between

Facebook, fake news, and Twitter got you down? There are other ways to stay in touch.

In the 2000s communicating is much different than it was before the explosion of social media apps and websites. Despite the ease of instantaneous communication with all your friends (and then some), maybe you want to “reach out and touch someone.” (AT&T’s ad slogan created in 1979.) Before 2004 social media was unheard of. That's because Facebook didn't exist yet. Zuckerberg was launching it at Harvard

Put down your phone and call someone! While texting is very easy and less obtrusive and allows your correspondent to respond when they can, sometimes you just need to hear a voice or hash things over in real time. Before my grandmother died in 2012 and when I was busy being a mom and working, I knew I needed to spend more time with her. She didn’t drive and was often home alone. Instead of feeling bad for not having time to visit, I would to call her while making dinner. The conversation was usually short, usually about what I was “making good” (her words), and mine were (“Do you need anything?”) and love you’s. Also with calling you can have a conversation more quickly and accurately because your fingers aren’t mis-typing and your phone is not incorrectly autocorrecting! And do I need to say it can eliminate misunderstandings? I’m always saying to my texting family, after many minutes of texting, “Why don’t you just call them? You could say all that in two minutes rather than 15 of texting, right?”


Write a letter
Before there was e-mail, there was mail. In the movie You’ve Got Mail, there is a telling conversation between Joe Fox, his father, and his grandfather, in which the grandfather says he wrote letters to an old flame. He explains, “Or maybe we just exchanged letters.” Joe replies, “You wrote her letters?” “Mail. It was called mail.” “Stamps.  Envelopes.” “You know, I’ve heard of it.” This movie was made in 1998 when AOL dialup was “the” Internet! One stamp is still relatively cheap. Find the address of a college roommate, former neighbor, or a relative who lives far away. Remember penpals? I had many as a child. Through school, friends from summer camp, balloon launches with an address attached (considered environmentally unsound and somewhat creepy nowadays). It was a way to make a friend with someone you had never met. (Now that sounds like befriending strangers on the Internet!) I keep notecards around for thank you notes, sympathy cards, and birthday cards. I do it far less than I used to, but mail is fun when it’s not bills.

Coffee There is nothing like meeting a friend to catch up in real time. Even if we know everything about their lives on social media, getting the details helps us feel connected and allows us laugh, love, and be supportive. In business, the business lunch often seals the deal. It may be difficult to arrange, but keep trying, it’s worth it for an hour of face-to-face tea and sympathy.

Invite someone for dinner Yes, to your house. Is it really that difficult? Only if you’re not going to be home! Connecting over a meal in your own home is a real treat and can grow friendships. The meal and the table does not have to be fancy. Paper plates and plastic forks are fine as is take-out pizza. Make it potluck! The idea is to connect. And real friends won’t care about clutter or a little dirt and dust if you don’t have time to give your house a good shine before they arrive.

Here's a tip: Check out the Family Dinner Project for daily dinner ideas! The July newsletter
on this site has an excellent article about courtesy at the dinner table with lots of suggestions
on how to put down our devices and connect over a meal! Along with recipes, the site offers
conversation starters and meal time activities perfect for all ages.

How will you plan for real time connection this week?


Family dinner is an essential community builder.



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